What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 08:24
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Ive learnt so much.
What are the best examples of reverse psychology?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
How do I overcome attachment issues?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Would this be the day?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were not on the streets..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
What do you think, TikTok is nothing but another porn site? Do you agree or not? Why?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do I feel sleepy after massage?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why do people who were very kind and loving once become cold-hearted?
This is soul school!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
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Especially a lifetime of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
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And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We all went to grammer schools
My family never makes their pension either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I write beautiful poetry .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I could never make a relationship work though!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Put me off passion for life!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I will be 64.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
All the time i was locked up.
What did i know ?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was in good health!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I think the readers, may guess!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was 9 years of age.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So, i spoilt her more .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And i lived it daily.
Comes on , in middle age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot live in the past .
She married twice! .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I said to her
My life is so biszare .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But it wasn’t much.
I don,t even have a pension.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I have no regrets .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im still living with it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He knew the spot.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She found it foreign!.
But, we were locked up after school.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was scared of men, in general
As i do to all so called friends.?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was very sick at this time too.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I waited trembling.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She loved him until the end.